Sometimes you got to be the bad guy (or gal).
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About Jesse McCarthy
For over 20 years, Jesse McCarthy has worked with thousands of children, parents, teachers and administrators — as a principal for infants to 8th graders, an executive with a nationwide group of private schools, an elementary & junior-high teacher, and a parent-and-teacher mentor.
Jesse received his B.A. in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and his Montessori teacher's diploma for ages 2.5 to 6+ from Association Montessori Internationale (AMI), the organization founded by Dr. Maria Montessori.
Jesse has spoken on education, parenting and child development around the globe, from Midwest America to the Middle East, as well as at popular organizations in and outside of the Montessori community: from AMI/USA and AMI/Canada to old-school Twitter. Jesse now lives with his family in South Florida where he heads MontessoriEducation.com and, alongside his wife (and young son), runs La Casa, The Schoolhouse.
Transcript: Bad Daddy
The educator Dr. Maria Montessori once said, “The child developing harmoniously and the adult improving himself at his side make a very exciting and attractive picture.” Welcome to Montessori Education with me, Jesse McCarthy, where we talk raising children and educating students while bettering ourselves right alongside them.
I got a story for you. So a few days ago, my son and I, he's Ragnar, he's three and a half now, actually coming on four in April. Um, we're going to the grocery store and he sees these, they're called like honey bunnies and basically like a natural version of Teddy Grahams. And he's like, oh, can I get these Dad, I’m.. Sure you can. You can go ahead and grab those.
We check out, we get in the car, he straps himself in the car seat, and then I'm turning on the car to drive and he says, dad, can I eat some of these? And I'm [00:01:00] looking back and I'm thinking, you know, it's like, I think it was like about five 30 or so. We're headed home 15 minutes from home.
We're gonna have dinner when we get back. And I know if he's had any snacks or stuff in between, um, say lunch or some little snack around two or so, and dinner time, he's not gonna eat his full dinner. So I know this is not a good idea, but man, I want some of those too. Anyways, I look at 'em and go, oh dude.
I would love to eat some of those as well, just like you. But we have dinner coming in literally 15 minutes. We're gonna be home, so let's just hold off. We'll have some for dessert. He's not having it, man. He looks at me like, like I'm the devil. He's like, but I want him now. And he's getting really worked up.
And I realize one thing, he's just as hungry as I am. And also he didn't nap that day and he was, he still naps every now and again and he can be a little bit grumpy if he didn't get enough sleep. So he's, he's both tired and hungry. So I think this is where the upset is coming from. 'cause it's not normal for him.
But anyways, he goes, [00:02:00] bad daddy. And he was like dead serious with his bad daddy. You know, I'd never heard him say that. So in my head I'm kind of like, did that this fool just call me bad daddy? Like it was such a weird but silly experience. And I know a lot of people, especially moms, do not like to hear things like Bad mommy or you know, something like, I hate you.
Like, that is the worst. It can really. Get at you. For me, not so much because I just, I can get a sense of where he is coming from. It doesn't affect me like that. But point is he calls me bad daddy. Uh, now this lasted for like 30 seconds to a minute. 'cause I know my son, like, once we get moving, once he starts seeing things around, he loves seeing, um, like fire trucks go by or ambulances or even Mustangs.
He's like GT five Oh. Like he loves yelling that out. GT five, oh, if he sees a certain kind of mustang. Anyways, his mind completely got off of those little treats very quickly. But he was, he was upset with me for that moment, you [00:03:00] know? Um, we get home, have dinner. My wife, she makes a salad. I was, I think I, I think we put the air hamburgers and the air fryer, whatever the case we have, full on salad, cucumbers in it, like real deal cucumbers.
And then he is got hamburger meat with some ketchup. Boy eats every single thing on his plate. Just gobbled it up. Okay. I know people struggle with food and one of the things with food with kids is if you're hungry, you're going to eat this stuff. A lot more to say on eating, but that's not the point of, uh, what I wanna talk about today.
Anyways, he eats everything and then afterwards. We got those treats, we got those little honey bunnies or whatever the heck they are, and he's, he's loving 'em. I'm having some, my wife's having some and he actually stops at one point because he, I think we had given him like a, a good size amount and he didn't want to eat 'em all 'cause he was full.
So it's pretty cool he made that decision. I'm gonna stop eating them so. Why am I telling you this story? Like what's the lesson here? And for me it's like sometimes we have to say or do [00:04:00] things that like though they may really upset someone, in this case, our children or my child, Ragnar. It still needs to be said or done.
Like, maybe it would've been lovely for me to have this wonderful moment with my child where he's, he's loving on me for allowing him to, you know, eat these little sweet treats. But the reality is it would've messed up his dinner and then he is not eating a real meal and et cetera, et cetera. So I had to say, I can't do it, dude.
And he naturally was gonna be really upset because. That's the nature of where he's at. That's his age. He's, he's full on emotions. He was tired. He, he was hungry. I mean, you get it right? What I'm talking about here is embracing being the bad daddy or the bad mommy. You know what I'm saying? And funny, funny enough, I actually told Waner, uh, later, not obviously in this moment, it would've been kind of mocking him if I did that.
But I said, you know, Rodner, I wanna tell you, you called me bad daddy a few days ago. Uh. I kind of like [00:05:00] that name. Can you start calling me Bad daddy? Because it was, I actually, it was just kind of silly to me that he called me that. So now, every now and again, he'll be like, bad daddy can, can we go outside and play?
Like he's just, he, he doesn't say it in any silly way or anything. He's literally just calling me bad daddy as opposed to Daddy. That's our own little fun times and, and I enjoy it. I'm not saying you gotta go that far, but it, we have to be chill with our kids being upset with us. Okay, I'm talking about when we're actually doing what's right.
Like my child wants to run across the street at two and I grab him before he gets hit by a car. He's not gonna be happy. He doesn't understand that he, he just about died. All he understands is my dad didn't let me go where I wanna go. Like that's what's going on in his head. So he's gonna be angry with me, bad daddy.
I'm happy to be called bad daddy. I'm embracing bad daddy. That's all I'm talking about. There's way too much guilt today. Way too much of parents always trying to please their [00:06:00] kids embrace being the bad daddy or the bad mommy. Okay, that's really all I wanna get across. Hopefully it's helpful. Glad you all were with me today for my longtime listeners.
It, it's really a pleasure to be back. Sorry, it's been a while. I really miss you guys, you know what I'm saying? Um. And reach out to me. You know, you can always reach me at montessorieducation.com. For new listeners, I'm Jesse McCarthy. You can check out talks. I've given workshops, a lot of stuff on YouTube, but yeah, reach out.
I always love hearing from people. Um, you can contact me on that or you can leave a comment somewhere. Alright, much love and adios for now.